Real Simple = Real Stupid

If any one out there is considering getting a Real Simple subscription, I have two words for you: good luck.

In a desire for domesticity back when Todd and I were planning to move in together, I ordered a subscription to Martha Stewart Living and Real Simple. I imagined all the wonderful things I’d cook, the ways I’d keep us organized, and the lovely touches I’d add to our joint home. Martha started coming as expected, and I promptly began flipping through the magazine and not doing anything in them. :)

Real Simple, on the other hand, was a bit more complicated. They say to give 8 to 12 weeks for the first issue to arrive, so I didn’t worry when at first that nothing was arriving. Then, oddly, an unmarked empty duffel bag arrived for us from Real Simple. It’s not branded, there was no note, and the only reason I even know that it was from them was because of the return address on the envelope. So weird. But, I thought to myself, at least I know they have my address.

Another month went by, and I finally emailed them with the details of my order requesting an update. It had now been four full months and I’d gotten no magazine. I received a curt note back telling me to chill, and that they had just gotten my order in May (I actually placed the order in February). Still, I was happy when an issue finally showed up a week or two after that exchange.

Today, I got another email from Real Simple. Here’s what it said:

Dear VICTORIA,

We know you're busy, which is why we created Real Simple: to help on-the-go people like you find faster, easier solutions to life's everyday tasks. We appreciated having you as a Real Simple subscriber and we want another chance. We've arranged for you to receive a special offer:



Act today, let this be the last month that you miss out on our:

* Delicious recipes tips for any occasion -- from weeknight meals to holiday gatherings
* Stylish, practical ways to organize and beautify your home
* Inspiring solutions to help you look and feel your best
* Clever ways to make the most of your money

Come back to Real Simple today!


Sincerely,

Carrie Goldin
VP of Consumer Marketing, Real Simple

P.S. As a special bonus, you'll receive our signature Getting Organized guide, FREE with your paid order. Brimming with solutions and strategies to reduce life's clutter, this 40-page guide is the perfect companion to our magazine.

So my 12 month subscription was over after just one month? What? I emailed them back, told the whole story, and asked for confirmation that I’d get my remaining 11 issues. I kind of wanted to ask for the special bonus, too, just for my trouble, but I can’t imagine what that kind of request would do to their incredibly useless system, so I restrained.

But seriously, I’ve never had to work this hard for a magazine subscription before in my life. I have real doubts that I’ll get another issue until I call them, send another email, or take more action. It’s really frustrating. I like Real Simple but not this much. And the irony of having to do this much work for something called Real Simple is just not worth it.

(Also, why not work on that mail merge technology so that my name appears in title caps, just like the rest of the message? I mean, everyone knows that these messages are not really personalized, but the weird capitalization makes it stupidly obvious.)